Countries that sound like they should be terms used in the Karma Sutra

• Bhutan
• Dijibouti
• Kiribati
• Palau
• Tuvalu

A public denial: I have never had sex with....

• A man
• Jennifer Aniston
• Your mum
• A corpse
• Anything that is not human

Inspired by: William Hague: I have never had a gay affair

Things people say after sex

List by: Anonymous

• When I told you to pull my hair, I didn't mean down there. That really hurt.
• That hole wasn't there before.
• You're not going to eat that now are you
• Sweetie, wake up. Can you untie me? I can't feel my legs.
• Fine. Gaylord.

The Top 5 lies men tell women

1. That is 6 inches
2. Sunday with your mum would be fantastic
3. It's ok. I wasn't really in the mood either.
4. Of course I didn't masturbate while you were out
5. Only 2 or 3.

Click here for the Top 5 lies Women tell men

The Top 5 lies women tell men

List by: Kittehpaws

1. It's not size that matters - it's what you do with it that counts
2. Of course I don't fancy your brother/dad
3. If Brad Pitt hit on me in a bar of course I wouldn't shag him because he's not you
4. Oh this? I've had it for ages, just not worn it before.
5. I'd love to go to the World Cup for our holiday

Click here for the top 5 lies men tell women

Reasons that I might send gaydars a bit skew-whiff

• I own more than 10 items of footwear
• My clothes fit me properly
• I wear clean underwear every day
• I use words like "skew-whiff"
• I occasionally hang around public toilets with a large plastic bag watching other men urinate and trying to catch their eye.

Things that make me a stereotypical man

• I hate asking for directions
• I'd rather watch sport than soaps
• I am rubbish at multitasking
• I am better at remembering random trivia than important information about people
• I tend to believe you can fix things by using brute force

See my reflection: Things that make me different to a stereotypical man

Things that make me different to a stereotypical man

• I use hand moisturiser
• I can't remember road names
• I'm not proud of doing smelly farts
• I enjoy vacuuming 
• I know I am a rubbish driver

See my reflection: Things that make me a stereotypical man

Everything I know about women

Source: Reflection on International Women’s Day 2010

• Washing left in damp in the machine for more than a few hours smells like manure to them
• They are not attracted to men with smaller thighs then their own
• They know that men are, generally, funnier than women
• They are less likely to get the idea of writing pointless lists than men are.
• They ask questions to which they already know the answer

Other additions Elton John might be thinking about making to the gay community

Source: Elton: Jesus was a gay lord

• Santa Claus
• Michaelangelo
• Jennifer Aniston
• Alessandro Moreschi
• Wilmot - my late pet guinea pig

Common ways that celebrity couples deal with relationship problems

Source: Cheryl Cole to sing through the pain as she performs live at the Brits despite marriage problems

or: John Terry arrives back from Dubai with wife Toni Poole

or: Brit more trouble for Vern and Tess?

• Say nothing, put on a brave face, continue with your commitments, occassionally be seen looking stressed, ensure your friends and publicity team release regular details about how hard you are finding things and that you are the one who has been putting all the effort in and have been wronged.
• Go on an exclusive holiday and refind your love for each other, preferably somewhere that the paparazzi can see you.
• Put on a brave face and appear in public holding hands and announcing your relationship is as strong as ever.
• Cancel all appointments and make sure that your friends and publicity team make regular press releases about how you are working through your issues together.
• Go out clubbing, sell your story and hook up with another celebrity.

Countries that say "I love you" on dates other than Valentine's Day (14 February)

• Romania - 24 February
• Slovenia - 12 March
• Brazil - 12 June
• Taiwan - 7 July
• South Korea - 11 November

Things lots of men cannot understand

Source: How lots of men can't understand what John Terry's done wrong

• Penis size is not directly proportionate to a woman wanting to have sex with you
• Being able to kick/throw/hit/catch a ball does not make you a god.
• Skidmarks won't happen if you wipe properly
• If you start moisturising you don't automatically start fancying other men
• A penis is not clean unless you also wash under the foreskin