Lists of 5 Things: Books that I have given up reading because they are too long and dull as improved Twitter friendly versions

Moby Dick (Herman Melville) - I met Queequeg, we went whaling on the Pequod with Ahab. We killed a few whales but Moby Dick kicked our arse. Boat sank. Only I survived.
Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) - A woman wanted to marry off her daughters. Really dull things happened during this process. Obviously Elizabeth and Darcy got married.
The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Victor Hugo) - Several Parisians, including an ugly bloke, love a gypsy thief. Loads of people, including gypsy and ugly bloke, die. It isn't Disney.
Great Expectations (Charles Dickens) – Scum Pip loves a bitch. Pip becomes posh. Years of implausible coincidences. Pip bumps into bitch, she’s not a bitch. They hold hands.
A Brief History of Time (Stephen Hawking) – People used to be shit at understanding the Universe. Now we think we understand bits of it but not everything.

Lists of 5 Things