Advice to Gordon Brown on how to come out best at the next leadership debate.

Source: Britain's Brown plays offense but gains no ground

• No jokes - ever
• Stop looking like a pensioner at a rave and give the impression you want to be there
• Fireworks every time you finish making a key point
• Invent a time machine (preferably based on either a DeLorean or old police box), use it to correct all the mistakes the Labour government has made, then reappear in the time machine on stage at the start of the debate with dry ice billowing up around you. And wear a big cloak.
• Stop talking about change - it's an admission you got it wrong in the first place - and focus on the government's achievements.